Now that Johnny Depp is a single guy again, I reckon I’m in there! In fact, I’m one step ahead – a few years ago I responded to an invitation to a school reunion with ‘my married name’: Depp. And for good measure I dropped in that Johnny and I had a lovely set of twins. Apparently this embarrassingly lame joke went entirely undetected and my name appeared on the reunion list as Jennifer Depp. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
Certainly a nicer ring than XXXBigRedOneXXX (excuse me?) or GorgeousGoodGuy (um, not, actually) or any of the other rather strange/ misleading names one comes across in the world that is internet dating.
But Johnny is not the only delicious celeb out there and I have to confess that ever since I started this whole Beau Dacious malarky, it has crossed my mind whether a mark of success might be if I could somehow wangle myself a date with a personality. Yip, a real-live “schleb”. I mean, if old foppy-haired Hugh’s character in Nottinghill managed it, why not me? But one must have a target list so here, in anticipation of greater things, is…
MY FANTASY DATING LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN
Johnny Depp: Naturally in pole position. Dark, mysterious, devilishly delicious and charmingly offbeat. Good hands too. Ahoy captain!
Noel Fielding: I confess I am not actually sure that Mr Fielding is in fact ‘on the market’ as it were but this is my fantasy league so I get to make the rules which means he’s in. Some of you, in fact many of you, will no doubt question my taste on this one but there’s something so damn intriguing about Noel. Yes, he has an insane approach to clothes and yes, at times he looks more lady-is-the-tramp than man-about-town, but his sharp wit gets me every time. I did actually send him a flirty little Beau Dacious tweet a few weeks back but alas, he’s a bit useless at the whole social media thing.
Aaron Eckhart: Tell me you didn’t watch Possession and swoon the entire way through?! If ever I get the chance to meet this impeccable specimen of manliness I swear I will pull out every damn trick in the book to hook him! Especially since this almost cartoon-handsome man is still single at 43 – just the right age for me!
Christian Slater: I’m throwing this one in for old times sake. I have no idea what he is up to these days – for all I know he may have decayed into a wobbly hairy mass – but me being the kind of teenager not naturally inclined to celeb worship, Christian stands out for having secured my attention for several years.
John Slattery: What? You don’t know who he is? Why, he’s silver fox Roger Sterling in Mad Men. I have a natural leaning towards older gentlemen which perhaps would explain this, but hey, even Carrie Bradshaw fell for him in Sex and the City so that’s gotta give him some cred, right? Either way, Roger by name, roger by…
Eddie Redmayne: What a pretty one we have here, all pouty lips and freckly face. Perhaps too pretty. I can’t decide whether I would break him or get bored of him first but I see no reason why this should prevent me from having a go!
Prince Harry: Come on, you gotta admit there’s something about this naughty royal. Never before has the term “cheeky chappie” been more appropriate, and the lady who nabs him gets to be a princess too! We may not be able to talk openly about who dad-in-law is, but we know mum-in-law remains a lovely legend.
Sean Connery: Yup, still got it, always will.
And now for a controversial one…
…Russell Brand: So vulgar he somehow manages to be attractive. A friend of mine did once declare that I am attracted to dirty men (am I?) but I prefer to attribute my poorer choices in life to a weakness for men who have a way with words. I read both of Russell’s Booky Wooks and I have to say, he’s good. Bad, but good. Still, I think a dinner date with him might end with one of us in a rage.
That takes me up to 9 men in my fantasy league which would suggest I should round up with one more morsel of man. But I am at a loss. So tell you what, if you know a delightfully single fellow with Johnny’s smoulder, Aaron’s chin, Noel’s sharp wit and Harry’s family connections, do please send him over: there’s a vacancy at number 10.
This post was written by Jen, just one of our lovely Beau Dacious ladies.