Helen: Putting Down The Beau Bow & Arrow

Darling Beau Hunters

It is with great sadness that I must admit defeat*.

You have not heard from me for a while now, because in truth, I had hoped that my circumstances would improve and that soon I would be able to engage you in wild tales of my dating adventures – possibly even love.

I embarked on the mission to hunt myself a delicious beau with all the renewed enthusiasm and self-love that I could muster, and in truth, I wasn’t far out of the starting blocks before I had met and “fallen for” a few dangerously suitable candidates.

The notion that there aren’t any good men left in the world once you pass the tender age of 30 years old is just utter bollocks!!

Since opening my eyes to the dating world again, I can honestly say that I have met a veritable onslaught of amazing, intelligent, good-looking and good-hearted men of superior quality! And single too.  Hallelujah! They’re out there!!

But alas, the journey (while at times a flippin’ good laugh) has been fraught with more inner turmoil and stings of rejection than I had anticipated and/or am currently able to endure.  In the interests of preserving what little sanity and dignity I had left, I must call this quest to a close in order to allow for some soulful rejuvenation.

I do lurrve men!  So this is by no means a dig at men or at 30-something dating in general.  Like dating in your teens and twenties, you either hit the jackpot, or you don’t.  I think I have had nothing more than a bit of bad luck.  The stars simply did not sufficiently align to allow for an equal meeting of affections (or geography).
Close. But no cigar.

Ordinarily I would weather the storm, but in the last month I have moved city and house; nursed a new-born company; and roared (albeit reluctantly) into a nasty legal web domain name “custody” battle.  The added trauma of dealing with the rollercoaster ride of infatuation is causing havoc with my already fragile grasp at sanity.

Life has ups and downs, and I certainly intend to get back on the dating horse at the first opportunity, but for now, I’m going to batten down the hatches, cut my losses, and prepare myself to hunt another day.  A life of blissful ignorance (key emphasis on the word “ignore”) of what I may or may not missing out on, will have to suffice.

I have been blessed with some real gems in the boyfriend department, and though I’m 33 and single, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t trade a day spent with them, for a lifetime spent with Philandering Phil, Boring Bob, Needy Ned or Distant Dave.

When I let love in again – boy will it be worth it!

This Beau Dacious journey has taught me that love is out there – I need only the strength to reach out and grab it without fear of loss or failure.

Good luck lovely ladies.

Big hugs and kisses!
The Bad Bunny

* for the time being

Jen: Fantasy Dating League of Gentlemen

By all means, Johnny, feel free to leave your hat on but the shirt, well...

Now that Johnny Depp is a single guy again, I reckon I’m in there! In fact, I’m one step ahead – a few years ago I responded to an invitation to a school reunion with ‘my married name’: Depp. And for good measure I dropped in that Johnny and I had a lovely set of twins. Apparently this embarrassingly lame joke went entirely undetected and my name appeared on the reunion list as Jennifer Depp. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

Certainly a nicer ring than XXXBigRedOneXXX (excuse me?) or GorgeousGoodGuy (um, not, actually) or any of the other rather strange/ misleading names one comes across in the world that is internet dating.

But Johnny is not the only delicious celeb out there and I have to confess that ever since I started this whole Beau Dacious malarky, it has crossed my mind whether a mark of success might be if I could somehow wangle myself a date with a personality. Yip, a real-live “schleb”. I mean, if old foppy-haired Hugh’s character in Nottinghill managed it, why not me? But one must have  a target list so here, in anticipation of greater things, is…

MY FANTASY DATING LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN

Johnny Depp: Naturally in pole position. Dark, mysterious, devilishly delicious and charmingly offbeat. Good hands too. Ahoy captain!

Noel Fielding:  I confess I am not actually sure that Mr Fielding is in fact ‘on the market’ as it were but this is my fantasy league so I get to make the rules which means he’s in. Some of you, in fact many of you, will no doubt question my taste on this one but there’s something so damn intriguing about Noel. Yes, he has an insane approach to clothes and yes, at times he looks more lady-is-the-tramp than man-about-town, but his sharp wit gets me every time. I did actually send him a flirty little Beau Dacious tweet a few weeks back but alas, he’s a bit useless at the whole social media thing.

Aaron Eckhart: Tell me you didn’t watch Possession and swoon the entire way through?!  If ever I get the chance to meet this impeccable specimen of manliness I swear I will pull out every damn trick in the book to hook him! Especially since this almost cartoon-handsome man is still single at 43 – just the right age for me!

Christian Slater: I’m throwing this one in for old times sake. I have no idea what he is up to these days – for all I know he may have decayed into a wobbly hairy mass – but me being the kind of  teenager not naturally inclined to celeb worship, Christian stands out for having secured my attention for several years.

John Slattery: What? You don’t know who he is? Why, he’s silver fox Roger Sterling in Mad Men. I have a natural leaning towards older gentlemen which perhaps would explain this, but hey, even Carrie Bradshaw fell for him in Sex and the City so that’s gotta give him some cred, right? Either way, Roger by name, roger by…

Eddie Redmayne: What  a pretty one we have here, all pouty lips and freckly face. Perhaps too pretty. I can’t decide whether I would break him or get bored of him first but I see no reason why this should prevent me from having a go!

Prince Harry: Come on, you gotta admit there’s something about this naughty royal. Never before has the term “cheeky chappie” been more appropriate, and the lady who nabs him gets to be a princess too! We may not be able to talk openly about who dad-in-law is, but we know mum-in-law remains a lovely legend.

Sean Connery: Yup, still got it, always will.

And now for a controversial one…

…Russell Brand: So vulgar he somehow manages to be attractive. A friend of mine did once declare that I am attracted to dirty men (am I?) but I prefer to attribute my poorer choices in life to a weakness for men who have a way with words. I read both of Russell’s Booky Wooks and I have to say, he’s good. Bad, but good. Still, I think a dinner date with him might end with one of us in a rage.

That takes me up to 9 men in my fantasy league which would suggest I should round up with one more morsel of man. But I am at a loss. So tell you what, if you know a delightfully single fellow with Johnny’s smoulder, Aaron’s chin, Noel’s sharp wit and Harry’s family connections, do please send him over: there’s a vacancy at number 10.

This post was written by Jen, just one of our lovely Beau Dacious ladies


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