Bree*: The accidental datee

My story is a little different from most of the Beau Hunters. You see, I’m not actually trying to date at the moment (is that a collective gasp I hear?) But despite that, I seem to have found myself on dates without realising that they were supposed to be. These recent events have made me question whether I am just completely naive or whether guys need to make things a little clearer for us.

Single guys and girls can go for drinks, lunches, dinners etc without it meaning anything. In a big city people are often open to making new friends. So how do you know when something is a date?

Is it a date if you just go for a drink? Or does it have to involve a meal? Does it have to be their suggestion? Does it have to be just the two of you? What if you are meeting up with friends after? So many variables…

And wouldn’t it be worse to assume that something is a date and then it turn out not to be? Is my brain just trying to avoid humiliation? Or is it because I’m not actually looking for anything serious at the moment that it’s not registering?

I’ll provide the facts and you can decide…

First case study was someone I met at a friend’s party. We ended up with each other’s email addresses through group emails, and when plans to join in a couple of group outings didn’t quite work out, he suggested going for lunch. It was the holidays and people have time to spare so I didn’t think anything of it. Lunch was fun and turned into drinks, then we met up with a friend of mine. In my eyes, all a seemingly innocent situation. But apparently not, apparently it was a date.

Second case in point… One evening I got chatting to a friend of a friend about drinking, and when it transpired that he had an aversion to, but a hankering to learn about/appreciate, my favourite tipple, I suggested we go for a tasting session sometime. He got in contact after that, but it was my suggestion. Did he want to see me? Or was he just using me for my knowledge/enthusiasm for whisky?

We had drinks, a lovely dinner and chatted throughout. But there was no real sign, no suggestion of anything else. It wasn’t until I got a text from him saying ‘I’m not sure if that was supposed to be a date or not, but if it was, I’d really like to do it again’ that I knew. At least with that one neither of us was sure whether it was actually a date.

Then there was the guy I dated a few times but have been just friends with for close to a year. We try to catch up every month or so, and after being treated to his cooking and hospitality many times I thought it was about time I treated him to a nice meal out as a good excuse to catch up. A quick drink before, then we enjoyed a delightful dinner with plenty of nice wine and nice chat.

It wasn’t until we left the restaurant and he pulled me towards him and kissed me that I realised that it was probably actually a date.

Perhaps the sign was when he placed his hand lightly on the small of my back as we walked from our drinks venue to the restaurant  (my brain – ‘but he’s just a gentleman’), or when he held my hand across the table, and didn’t let go when the waitress came over (my brain – we were talking about slightly emotional stuff going on in my life so he was just being sweet ). Ok ok, so I realise they were probably clear signs, but it wasn’t until we left the restaurant and he pulled me towards him and kissed me that I realised that it was probably actually a date.

So, now that you’ve heard the circumstances, you can be brutally honest about whether I’m completely clueless, or whether I can be forgiven for not being aware what I was embarking on.

Also, let us know:
What constitutes a date?
What are the signs that he thinks it’s a date?
If you’re not sure, is it safer to assume it isn’t until proven otherwise?

And the most important question of all – now that I am accidentally dating, should I just go with it and continue?

*Whatever ‘it’ is, Bree has it! She’s our guest blogger from London – well, Australia actually – and if we’re lucky, maybe we’ll hear more from her!

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One thought on “Bree*: The accidental datee

  1. Ha ha Bree I totally love what you wrote and can completely relate. There’s such a fine line, and it can end up pretty awkward if there’s no clarity. As the saying goes, “Assumption is the Mother of all ‘uck ups” – right?

    Go with the flow girl! Sounds like you’re doing well and catching a few nice fish despite not actually putting any worms at the end of your hook!!

    Instincts are usually spot on too, so tune in and listen to them, and if, like me, you tend to ignore the signs for safety’s sake, maybe now’s the time that we “man up”, step out of our comfort zones and let possibility in.

    At the end of the day – if we make a bit of a chop of ourselves and he’s so up his own arse that he can’t love us for it anyway – well then – he’s not gonna be a friend or a lover in the long run regardless. So what have we got to lose really?
    Let’s flip this on its head: From now onwards if we think it’s a date – then it is. Until he tells us otherwise. How does that sound?

    The Beau Dacious Bad Bunny

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