Since beginning this Beau Dacious journey it has occurred to me that I may well be a Cat Lady – confusing, I know, coming from a lass who’s codename is “Bad Bunny”, but stick with me here. A “cat lady”, not because I stay home on a Friday night, with a copy of Twilight and 10 cats for company (although, that too has been known to happen), but rather because when I’m out hunting on said night of the week, that I have an innate attraction to younger prey.
I see them bounce. Instinct takes over. I want nothing more than to pin them down.
For a while now, I have been concerned that this phase of dating younger men may not be a phase at all, but rather, a hard-wired instinct. I had a sneaky suspicion that I had what they call “Cougar” tendencies. Just to be certain, I checked the hallowed pages of UrbanDictionary.com for the most up-to-date definition:
“Cougar: An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity — particularly the true hotties — as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.”
Anyhoo…it would appear that while I’m hoping to be classed on the “true hottie” side of Cougarhood , I am definitely Cougar material. However, when I mentioned the idea to friends they suggested that, at the tender age of 33, I may be too young for Cougardom. So back to Urban Dictionary we go…
Excellent – ID confirmed! Puma / pre- Urban Cougar. That’s me. Either way it would appear that I’m a kittycat who likes her meat fresh. Case in point: My longest relationship was with a gorgeous Portuguese sailor 4 years my junior. My most recent victims? A 26 year old Israeli. Followed up swiftly by a 30 year old Capetonian (because Cape Town, like Monaco, is really its own country).
So for those of you with similar concerns you need to ask yourself these simple questions:
Do you prefer your prey to be fast, often directionless, but full of energy and enthusiasm?
And your meat fresh, steaming and hot? Raw if you like. That sort of thing!
Or are you a more discerning hunter, preferring your meat aged? Well hung? Matured?
And then there are those hunters who cruelly cull the oldest and weakest in the herd. Do you single out the prey most easily captured (or captivated)? Unfortunately this type of prey can leave a cat feeling unsatisfied, like dining on dry wors* that’s been on the braai** for too long.
Using this simple analogy as a basis for my cat classification, it would appear that I am a discerning Puma who enjoys a cosmopolitan mix on her menu. A lightly olive-oiled carpaccio. Perhaps a little wasabi-infused sushi. And on the rare (pardon the pun) occasion that I have been known to sample a bietjie biltong***, I like mine tender, moist and spicy!
And that is where we’ll draw the carnivore analogies to swift conclusion – this vegan can’t stomach much more of it.
Beau Hunters the world over will agree that older or younger, it doesn’t really matter, because all prey come with their fair share of excrement. It’s just a question of which excrement you prefer to put up with: The naive / broke / needy / randy kind. Or the lethargic / risk averse / four-kids-and-an-(ex)wife kind.
So for now, until a challenging and irresistible bull comes along, I have decided not to resist my inner kittycat anymore and am embracing the purring Puma within. Let the man-boy hunt begin!
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Definitions for those readers who don’t have S’Affer friends:
*Wors – Sausage, “Banger” (UK)
** Braai – Barbeque
***Biltong – Cured meat originating in South Africa. Strips of raw meat spiced, hung and dried. Similar to Beef Jerky (US)