Andi: Gone fishing

“Many go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.” – Henry David Thoreau. “

If I’m going to leave my happy, comfy couch of singledom then colourful lures and decidedly tasty bait are most definitely required. I’m not necessarily after the exotic tropical variety, the type that fights to the death, nor would a gormless follow-the-masses salmon suffice!!

So I have joined the online dating community (from my position on the aforementioned couch) to try and see what the oceans and rivers might offer up.

I shared my intention with a colleague and she enthusiastically wanted me to meet a friend of hers to get me warmed up after a rather long hiatus from the world of ‘sizing up in a nanosecond’!!!

We arranged a double date to ensure a relaxed introduction. He was two hours late to the table, a trendy dressed silver fox – like me – and when he did arrive, he was totally engrossed in his mobile device.Way shorter than expected with an ego suitable to his profession as an actor. He went on to discuss his various roles and then his sexual prowess in excessive detail. I really didn’t need to know the size of his….ahem..worm, although I knew only too well that he was fitting the short man stereotype and his predictability made me yawn openly. He hardly glanced my way or asked anything about me and what’s more he had the audacity to interrupt my one and only anecdotal story…stopping a Leo woman mid-sentence – did he have a death wish? I had to restrain from shushing him with a finger to his lip.

I really didn’t need to know the size of his….ahem..worm, although I knew only too well that he was fitting the short man stereotype and his predictability made me yawn openly.

We all left together and parted ways at the closest tube station. A bumbled kiss on each cheek goodbye and I nearly tripped down the escalators to get away from him. My friends were so mortified  for having put me through such an ordeal that they drowned their collective sorrows until 4am. As a lesbian couple, they were hardly the audience wanting to hear about penis!

So with a crick in my neck from turning to look at him all night and a slightly fuzzy head, I went to bed and vowed to start casting my net as soon as possible to try for something other than a bottom-feeder. Maybe I’ll catch a handsome angel fish.

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